San Diego Woman Ends Long Cycle of Alcohol Dependency and Undiagnosed Depression

I received this letter today from a friend in the community:

She writes:

I want to share with you my  struggles with alcohol, chronic low-grade depression (Dysthymia),

and social anxiety

All my life I had suffered from a chronic low-grade depression. To add to that, I also suffered from social anxiety. For years and years, I had no idea why I felt so helpless and alone. All I knew was that something wasn’t right with the way I felt. Instinctively, I knew that everybody couldn’t feel as low as I felt because the world seemed to be humming along quite well.

From an outsider’s perspective, my life looked like it was humming along quite well, too. I had many friends since I found that laughter helped me out of my doldrums and I had a great sense of humor. I had learned ways around my social anxiety but it was always an underlying deterrent to major life choices. Job interviews were extremely difficult. Extreme heart palpitations and other physical systems of my anxiety were very difficult to hide. Therefore, I always felt less than everybody else. Being outside along with physical activity always helped. In high school, I was on every sports team available.

My depression and anxiety never caused any crisis in my life and so I tried to ignore them as much as I possibly could. I did this by staying very, very busy and being very, very achievement- oriented. That was the only way I could feel good about myself!

Outward problems began to develop in my life when I was introduced to alcohol. But even then and for a very long time, I was able to successfully “use” it without negative life consequences. With alcohol I finally felt complete. It sent me into a bliss I had never experienced before! It was incredible the lift and relief it gave me. I could do anything now. That is how it made me feel.

Alcohol slowly became my God because it was a quick solution to my innermost problems (internal debilitating feelings I had never been able to reveal to anyone!)

Even when everyone around me (including myself) realized that I was drinking too much, I refused to slow down much less stop. Psychologically and then physically I was totally addicted. Toward the end of my substance abuse, I was drinking around the clock, 24/7/365 days a year.

When I finally sought treatment, it didn’t help for a very long time. Treatment didn’t help because the treatment professionals weren’t addressing “why” I drank. Until my anxiety and depression were brought under control, I still desperately wanted to drink.

Today, with my depression and anxiety under control, I have no reason to crave the drink!

Hallelujah! Today, I am free from alcohol and its debilitating consequences. Today, I can encourage others and contribute to society in a meaningful way. Today, I am the best I can be. Here’s to lasting recovery!                                            

Most people who suffer from alcohol related problems identify anxiety and depression, especially in social situations, as common feelings that lead them to continue drinking.

Anxiety and depression feed the need for more alcohol use and dependence. These symptoms become the emotional triggers that contribute to drinking again, despite telling yourself, or your family or friends that you want to stop drinking, will stop drinking and then find yourself drunk again, almost without your permission

If you are suffering from anxiety, depression, or social anxiety and continue to drink alcohol despite your desire to stop, call our understanding staff at Lasting Recovery.  We are here to help! 858-453-4315.

Judy Saalinger, Ph.D., MFT, CAS

Co-Founder & Executive Director